The end of December into January was a shitty time. Our little family of four is still living in my mother in laws house to try and catch up on debt. The problem has been the noise that comes with having a three and one year old. Her house is a nice slightly older house in North Carolina. That's empty of curtains and wall hangings in most rooms. It has hardwood floor so every toy car or barbie that hits the floor sounds like a mini bomb going off. It wouldn't bee so bad if my brother in laws didn't live here also. One has slightly random schedules and sleeps whenever he wants, and the other has zero schedule and plays video games all day. They're not young. The zero schedule brother lives in the downstairs. So yep, all the noise carries down. Needless to say this has caused some conflict because god forbid kids make noise, or even worse you actually get onto them for doing things.
So there were a couple minor conflicts that caused me at thirty-two years be homesick for the first time ever. Have I mentioned that I grew up a military brat. When you grow up moving around a lot as a kid you develop this weird feeling of you don't have a home location. I had even taken vacations away from my parents for a month at a time, states away. Never once did I feel so upset that I wanted to run away to home, wherever that may be.
I did this time. I wanted to take my two kids and run home to my parents house in Pennsylvania. They wouldn't have the space and my mom wouldn't be able to handle the kids being around for such a long time with her post cancer meds making her tired and stuff. Those things and the fact that there was a blizzard expected to hit made me decide to do the next best thing. I talked to my husband and my best friend (and her husband) in Maryland and we spent two and a half weeks there.
I regained so much while I was there. I got my balls back. They are my kids and I will what I can to the best of my ability. I won't be taking suggestions from people who only spend 10-20 mins a day with them. It is not fair to the kids to not be allowed to make noise because someone is sleeping from 6 am to 7 pm for no specific reason. I will not allow myself to be driven crazy, well, other than the normal my kids drive me crazy crazy. I can't over stress about what noise level is ok, or if they drop a sippy cup would it wake a bear. I got my kids to be nice to me again because I'm not constantly yelling at them. I gained feeling like a human again instead of a mommy machine. Of course that happens anytime you are with your best friend. I just only get to see mine three times a year.
Things have also gotten better since we got home too. My one brother in law has taken a job across the US. That freed up his downstairs room so our family is living in downstairs which is literally like its own apartment. It has been really hard trying to get the kids to sleep in a room together but they can play and do what they want again. The other brother in law who works sometime normal hours doesn't hear them at all. I've been able to sit and do one on one with my daughter again to try and get her ready for school. I couldn't before because my son was not contained and would be climbing or running around somewhere. Plus I would always feel judged by my husbands brothers. They're sort of know-it-all types... who don't have girlfriends, kids, homes of their own... (the one just got his license back after almost 10 years.)
My husband has been amazing through everything. He completely understood and agreed with me. I felt horrible pitting him again his blood vs our family but I think that is just one of my own character flaws where I feel guilt for things I shouldn't. Well that's what my friend likes to tell me all the time. I always had this fear that I would lose my husband or my kids after moving down here. He was just amazing. He said I could go away for as long as I needed to go. To take time for myself. It was dual beneficial because it gave the two brother in laws and mother in law a break from my little darlings. I think he knew I was broken and scared.
So things have been crazy. The kids are still kids and my son is still climbing up every box, couch, table, and gate he can find. My daughter still competes for attention and is an instigator. But it's normal. We have our own space, and we are out of the way. The kids are almost back to where they were before we moved here in September. So I just need to keep doing my thing. Working with my babies and keeping us on a normal path.
Things have also gotten better since we got home too. My one brother in law has taken a job across the US. That freed up his downstairs room so our family is living in downstairs which is literally like its own apartment. It has been really hard trying to get the kids to sleep in a room together but they can play and do what they want again. The other brother in law who works sometime normal hours doesn't hear them at all. I've been able to sit and do one on one with my daughter again to try and get her ready for school. I couldn't before because my son was not contained and would be climbing or running around somewhere. Plus I would always feel judged by my husbands brothers. They're sort of know-it-all types... who don't have girlfriends, kids, homes of their own... (the one just got his license back after almost 10 years.)
My husband has been amazing through everything. He completely understood and agreed with me. I felt horrible pitting him again his blood vs our family but I think that is just one of my own character flaws where I feel guilt for things I shouldn't. Well that's what my friend likes to tell me all the time. I always had this fear that I would lose my husband or my kids after moving down here. He was just amazing. He said I could go away for as long as I needed to go. To take time for myself. It was dual beneficial because it gave the two brother in laws and mother in law a break from my little darlings. I think he knew I was broken and scared.
So things have been crazy. The kids are still kids and my son is still climbing up every box, couch, table, and gate he can find. My daughter still competes for attention and is an instigator. But it's normal. We have our own space, and we are out of the way. The kids are almost back to where they were before we moved here in September. So I just need to keep doing my thing. Working with my babies and keeping us on a normal path.
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